墨爾本的季節已轉入秋冬了 Melbourne’s already been into winter time
近日來為了課業與工作經濟的生活平衡點以及尋找新的公寓住所Recently I try to find the balance between study and job(money), and the new apartment to move in.
讓我不得不逼自己停止工作10天讓自己理出個頭緒Therefor I have to stop making money, give me ten days to plan it.
今日連續一整天的陰雨 It’s a sadly raining day today.
將我的心情帶入了一個糾結之中 It had made my mood getting into complicate.
借由運動的幫助這才調整了我的思緒I have to push myself to do some excise to help me.
同時我也才霎時發現我的焦慮恐慌發作的很嚴重After excise, I suddenly found I been anxiety and panic-stricken.
我擔心著課業工作經濟與未來 Because I worries about study, work, money and future.
看著裡剩下的最後兩顆Kinax Tablets I found my last two Kinax Tablets
是吃還不吃 這樣的情形好一段時間沒發生了 I am not sure to eat or not. It had been long time not happened.
一個人在國外的生活確實不容易 Leaving home, leaving Taiwan. The life here in Australia is really not easy.
事實並非如同人人稱羨般 It’s not as my thought, even people say so.
語言沒有當地人好 English is not my mainly language.
競爭也沒有當地人強 It’s hard to compete with local.
年紀又是個老大不小 And my age is no more young.
不禁我困惑著到底這個決定是對是錯 I been confused about my decision now.
但心裡總有個聲音告訴我我做的是對的只是不容易～要加油～ when I been upset, there is always a voice telling me. What I done is right, it just not easy, keep going.
突然間想起前幾天看到的一句話 That made me thinking of I saw an article some where.
真正的勇者不是挑戰了多困難的難題
而是面對內心的恐懼與害怕People say the really Hero is not about what they challenging, it’s because them facing fear.
每個人心中都有一些難以坦白的事情 Everyone always have their secret in their mind, it’s hard to be honest.
因為擔心他人的不諒解 Because we afraid what people looking at us.
所以我們躲藏在櫃子裡，感到孤單、恐懼 So we are hiding, then we fear and lonely.
要面對自己真的很難 It’s really different to accept ourselves.
尤其是內心那些恐懼與害怕的 Especially the fear and quail in our mind.
有一件事我始終記得在童年時期 I been remembered that in my childhood
因為家人忙碌 my family are always busy.
我始終一個人被放在家裡 I been usually at home alone.
獨自到黑夜後因為害怕而躲到家裡的空水缸裡 until the night is coming, then I get into the empty water tank
等著誰回來或發現我 waiting people come back
這樣的恐懼一直一直在我34年來的心中 It’s a shadow in my mind for 34 years.
縱使過往15歲我就離開家裡住到學校去
15年我學會獨立能夠獨當一面Although I was been trained to be independent from my 15 years
學會不讓家人擔心學會表現最好的一面 I became a good kid, became the better one of kids.
但一直以來我卻始終尋找著一個讓我不再孤單的人不再孤單的地方 But I still feel lonely all the time, I seek for some place or someone, let me not feel lonely anymore.
在過去18年來這樣的尋找讓我嚐儘了許多無法言喻的體驗 In past 18 years, I kept looking, but I paid much for that, got many experience.
但我也抱持對於生命中感激 Although I been complaint few time, but I am appreciative what happened at all.
2014我做了一個改變離開了台灣 2014 I made a decision leaving Taiwan.
2015我又做了另一個改變回到澳洲回來唸書與工作 2015 I made another decision back Australia to study and work.
澳洲是一個多種族多文化的國家Australia is a multi-ethnic and multicultural country.
要工作要生活要念書同時文化衝擊挑戰遠比想像的來多 Life here is more challenge and culture shock.
若不想在華人的經濟圈裡被剝削 I don’t want to always work for Chinese to earn the less and illegal salary.
語言是一種勢在必行的 Then I have to improve my English.
外來的華人要跟彼此競爭還要跟土生土長的華裔混血競爭然而就算爭贏了還有愛爾蘭，希臘，越南，泰國，印度，澳洲本地的白人Here is a more bigger competition world.
如果要生存勢必現在我得要放棄現在的工作（金錢）I have to have better langue skill.
專心投入唸書讓自己在未來擁有競爭的優勢 Then I can have more chance in this huge competition.
10年沒唸書了現在腦袋很慘 Been 10 years never study. My brain is block.
但這些對於周遭的朋友來說他們很難理解For my friends, it’s hard to understand forthem.
因為文化的不同語言的不同 because we have different background, culture, language.
這種心情只能有自己懂難過只能自己吞 it’s hard to explain the emotion to people.
慢慢的開始要屏除一切的雜物 I been tried to focus.
把一些浪費時間跟專注力的軟體刪掉 To plan and don’t waste time, especially for some apps.
開始只有工作唸書跟運動 Only work, study and excises.
但這樣卻隨之而來的卻發現34年來我好像什麼都沒有Then I have to accept the fact, I have no saving, no car, no house, no lover in past 34 years.
要擔心生活經濟還要面對內心那個強大的孤獨 I need to worries about everything in my life, and also need to face the fear, lonely.
要告訴自己不孤獨要告訴自己有自己陪伴 It’s hard, So hard. I need stronger to be with myself.
設定目標朝目標前進 set up my goal, look forward my future. Just me, myself and I
親愛的主 Dear god
我感謝你安排在我身邊一切的人事物 I really appreciative you arrange some friends around me
但請幫助我 But please help me
當我質疑我自己沒有想像中堅強的時候 especially when i been confused and doubt myself not as stronger as i thought
帶領我並給我智慧度過一切達到目標 please lead me and teach me how to do that to make up my goal.
Stronger(What Doesn't Kill You)
You know the bed feels warmer 你知道床依然溫暖
Sleeping here alone 獨自一人睡在上面
You know I dream in color 你知道我的夢是五彩的
And do the things I want 我做我想要做的事
You think you got the best of me 你以為你得到我最好的部分
Think you've had the last laugh 你以為你帶走最後的歡笑
Bet you think that everything good is gone 我賭你以為所有美好的事物都消失殆盡
Think you left me broken down 你以為你留下自甘墮落的我
Think that I'd come running back你以為我會哭著求你回來
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong 寶貝 你根本不了解我 因為你錯的離譜
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter 離開你讓我成為一名鬥士
Footsteps even lighter 步伐變的更輕盈
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone 你走了並不代表我完了
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強 更堅強
Just me, myself and I 只有我 我自己 和我
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
You heard that I was starting over with someone new 你聽說了吧!我已經和另一個人重新開始
They told you I was moving on, over you 她們告訴你我已經把你拋在腦後
You didn't think that I'd come back 你沒想到我會回來
I'd come back swinging 我輕鬆的回來
You try to break me, but you see 你試著毀掉我 但你看看吧
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter 離開你讓我成為一名鬥士
Footsteps even lighter 步伐變的更輕盈
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone 你走了並不代表我完了
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強 更堅強
Just me, myself and I 只有我 我自己 和我
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
Thanks to you I got a new thing started 多虧你 讓我得到一個新的開始
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted 多虧你 讓我不再悲傷難過
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me 多虧你 讓我終於想到我自己
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning 你知道在最後 你離開我的那天只是我的開始
In the end...在最後...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter 離開你讓我成為一名鬥士
Footsteps even lighter 步伐變的更輕盈
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone 你走了並不代表我完了
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強 更堅強
Just me, myself and I 只有我 我自己 和我
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強 更堅強
Just me, myself and I 只有我 我自己 和我
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 離開你讓我變的更堅強
Stand a little taller 站的更高
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 我單身並不代表我寂寞
(When I'm alone) (當我獨自一人)
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